


At Least We're Not Unemployed

by random_fandom_phantom



Category: Homestuck
Genre: And Aradia's dead, Gamzee doesn't have a job because he grows weed in the basement, Gen, Homestuck AU, Karkat gets fired from QuikTrip for being a troll, Poor Karkat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2018-12-12 13:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11737683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_fandom_phantom/pseuds/random_fandom_phantom
Summary: In an AU where hundreds of years ago, Trolls fled to earth because of War, the next few generations have jobs. Whats worse is that Karkat gets fired from a QuikTrip for being a troll, Rose and Kanaya have an argument over whats the best way to write (first or third person), Tavros, Vriska, and Terezi are having a huge D&D session that lasts a week, Eridan and Feferi have an argument over pie and Jane is caught in the middle while baking an actual Pie, and Sollux is sick of being sent to the Barns and Nobel Starbux to get everyone coffee in the middle of the day. Watch the Shitstorm from a safe distance!





	1. Chapter 1

"Yo, Karkat."

Karkat Vantas looked up, seeing his co-worker, Carly Jackson, in front of him. He worked at QuikTrip, at the cash register, and my god did it suck. Carly, for the most part, treated him well. She didn't like him, and she contently offered him Mints she bought from Walmart. His breath didn't smell THAT bad, at least, it didn't kill anyone.

"What, Casey?"He snarked. He constantly called her by the wrong name. She scowled, glaring her hazel eyes at him. She swept some of her curly red hair behind her shoulder. She always did that when she got angry or annoyed.

"Whatever, Vantas. The manager wants to see you in the break room."

"Why?" He asked. The manager never saw him. Well, everyone saw the manager BUT Karkat. Mostly people just relayed messages to him that where sent by the manager.

"I don’t know. Just go see him. I'll take over." Carly motioned to the door that led the break room, by the restrooms. Karkat sighed, moving out of the way so Carly could take over. She did, ringing up the last customer that had been waiting impatiently for the past two minuets. They looked ready to blow up.

Karkat walked to the back, taking out his keys and opening the door to the break room. It just consisted of a plastic table, some chairs, a crappy TV, a refrigerator for lunches, and a coffee machine.

His manager was there, waiting for him, along with some others. Those employees where on break, but the Manager was clearly waiting for him at the manager's table shoved into the back corner of the room.

"Mr. Vantas, have a seat." The manager, Mr. Evan Menedzher, motioned to the chair across from his desk. Karkat sat down, feeling nervous deep down inside, but he brushed it off. The manager didn't say anything when Karkat sat down, but instead slid a single paper across his desk towards Karkat. Karkat picked it up, his brow furrowing in anger as he did.

"What is this?" He demanded, tearing the paper away from his eyes. He didn't like what was harming his eyes.

"It is what is says." Mr. Menedzher replied, calm. Karkat had extreme rage boiling inside him. They where firing him for only being a troll. While Karkat didn’t know a lot about the law, he thought firing someone over there age, race, religion, sex, national origin or a disability was illegal. Plus, the reason why he was fired was over things he never did.

Karkat stood up, his hands in fists, the paper crumpled in between his grey fingers. "If you want me to leave, fine! I'll leave!" Karkat turned on his heal, and stormed out of the break room. He rushed past Carly, who looked at him, a slightly sad look on her face. She knew what had happened.

Karkat burst through the doors, and stormed all the way home. He lived relatively close, enough to walk to work, so he didn't have a car to drive home. That was very fortunate, because Karkat suffered from Road Rage, and he was currently enraged as HELL. Some people questioned the troll in the QuikTrip uniform as he walked out of the gas-station parking lot and down the sidewalk's that led to the apartment he and Dave lived in. He didn't care. He was so pissed off that he could punch something.

He entered the apartment's front lobby, which was really where you picked up mail and crap, and took the stairs instead of the elevator. He lived on the top floor, the 14th floor. He didn't even care that after going up the first 7 flights of stairs that his knees were aching and he was starting to slow down. By the time he reached the 14th floor, and his apartment, his legs felt like they where going to fall right off.

He took out his key, and unlocked the door, practically blowing a hole in the wall when he threw the door open and causing the door to hit the wall. Karkat slammed the door behind him. Dave wasn't home yet, which Karkat knew, because Dave didn't get home until 5 and it was only 1:35 PM.

Karkat threw himself on the couch, and glared at the ceiling. He was still pretty pissed off, not only at his manager, but at his co-workers, and every human that discriminated against Trolls and Trollkind. Karkat looked at the paper still in his hand, still crumpled under his fisted hand. He threw it on the wooden coffee table that was in front of the couch.

He just needed a moment to calm down, but he was currently having a hard time doing so. He decided to change out of his (former) work clothes, maybe burn them while he was at it, and read one of his romance novels until Dave got home. After changing into something more conferrable (A black, long sleeved shirt with the zodiac sign of Cancer on it in grey, and loose grey sweatpants) and grabbing a romance novel from the bedroom he and Dave shared, he plopped back down on the couch, and turned to the first page.

 

♈️♉️♊️♋️♌️♍️♎️♏️♐️♑️♒️♓️

  
Dave opened the door to the apartment he shared with his boyfriend, Karkat, surprised to see Karkat home earlier then normal. Usually Karkat's shift at QuikTrip started at 11 AM, and ended at 5 PM, meaning Dave and Karkat often came home at the same time. Karkat was sitting on the couch in the living room, reading a Troll Romance Novel that Dave had found in Walmart once, and got it for Karkat's birthday about a year ago. Sure, Karkat had read it 3 times already, but he loved it.

Dave shut the door, causing Karkat to look up, smiling at Dave when he saw him. Dave could almost FEEL that something was wrong with Karkat. Dave just had to look into those yellow whites, and those Cherry Red eyes, and he could sense the anger that Karkat was giving off.

"Okay, what's wrong? You're home way to early!" Dave asked, perceiving Karkat's anger. While to most, Karkat was angry 24/7, Karkat was actually just extremely passionate about everything. Dave sometimes though of him as Gordon Ramsay. To one who isn't paying attention, when Gordon Ramsay is yelling at a chief, he sounds like some sort of dragon, but to one who is paying attention, he's just saying really nice things in a really angry way and with a lot of swear words. Exactly like Karkat.

"Oh, I was fired," Karkat expressed, "for bullshit reasons and for bullshit things I didn't do." He picked up a paper on the table, with wrinkles on it, as if it had been crumpled up, and handed it to Dave.

It was a application for when one fires an employee. Dave sat down next to Karkat on the couch, still looking at the paper. He put it down on his lap for a minuet, so he could remove his sunglasses and rub the bridge of his nose. He wasn't sure what he was seeing, so he was checking to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, or that his Sunglasses where causing problems. He decided to leave them off as he read the paper. At the top was Karkat's first and last name, Date of Birth (DOB, for short), and his age. Karkat was 18, while Dave was 19.

Then, underneath that, there was Karkat's manager, a guy named Evan Menedzher, were Karkat worked (QuikTrip), and reasons why Karkat was fired. Dave read that, brow furrowing slightly from the anger he was feeling.

"So, let me get this straight: You where fired because you created an "Uncomfortable Work Environment", and because you turned off all the security camera's when you had closing shift, and you stole 50 dollars from the Cash register?" Dave asked, raising and eyebrow.

"I'm pretty sure that they only fired me because they didn't want to work with a weird gay alien. I never turned off the security cameras, and I never stole money from the cash register." Karkat grumbled, dog-tagging his current page in his novel, shutting the book and putting it down on the coffee table.

"This is complete bullshit. If you ask me, this is discrimination. I can sue them for that." Dave pointed out, throwing the paper on the coffee table, and shoving his sunglasses back on his face. Karkat's face lit up a little bit, his ears perked up too. In Dave's opinion, Troll ears where kind of like cat ears. While they didn't turn forward or backwards, they could tilt slightly forward and backwards, and turn up and down, meaning that when they where upset their ears tilted forward slightly and turned downward, but when they where happy, there ears tilted backwards, and turned up.

"We can get revenge?" Karkat exclaimed, a slight smile on his face. He obviously wanted revenge against his manger and Co-workers.

"Yeah, sure. However…" Dave trailed off, trying to figure out how to say this. He rested his arms on the back of the couch, staring at the area of the wall above the TV.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to have to see if I can fucking afford to sue, and support your ass." Dave sighed, leaning his head back, but looking at Karkat's face while he did, because Karkat was looking at him. Karkat's ears tilted downward a little, having obviously lost some of his confidence. He looked sad at the notion that Dave might not be able to sue.

"Well, I guess we'll have to keep our hopes up." Karkat sighed, trying to sound hopeful, but was failing miserably. Dave nodded, before getting up to change out of his work clothes. He had a feeling that the next few months would be hell, for both him and Karkat. After changing into something more suitable and comfortable (A white shirt with red sleeves, and black pants) he sat down next to Karkat on the couch again, who had turned on the TV, and was watching another soap opera. The two sat in relative silence, not really moving. Eventually, Karkat was laying down, his head on Dave's lap, with Dave leaving back into the couch cushions and his hands resting on the hard back.

"Oh come on, she CANNOT be that fucking dumb. The guy she's dating is obviously cheating on her ass." Karkat suddenly exclaimed. Dave really wasn't interested in this. Now that Dave thought about it, the only time he really watched TV was when he was with Karkat, and it was almost always Soap Operas and Rom coms.

"Dude, this is cheesy. This is SO fucking cheesy." Dave pointed out, throwing his hand in the air before letting it fall to the couch back again, in some vague gesture towards the TV.

  
"I know. That’s why its good." Karkat replied slyly, giving Dave a toothy grin. Dave had gotten used to the fact that Karkat, like all Trolls, had super sharp teeth, and they had A LOT of teeth.

"Oh my god, are you serious?" Dave groaned, trying to figure out if Karkat was indeed serious. 

  
"Like a bladder based vascular system attack," Karkat started, "or me being fired for being an alien."

"Speaking of that, are you planning to get another job?"  Dave asked, Karkat sighed, turning his head away from Dave, and facing the TV. Some screaming-then-making-out was happening that just screamed "Kismesis" in Karkat's mind. He still didn't understand why Humans only had one type of Love, which was a combination off all the quadrants for Troll love.

"I honestly have no fucking clue. I mean, I'm pretty sure I would be fired for being a troll AGAIN, and where would I even work?"

"Sollux told me the Starbux in the Barnes and Nobel where Jane, Eridan, and Feferi worked was hiring." Dave pointed out.

"FUCK NO. I am NOT working with Eridan. That guy's an asshole." Karkat argued, his voice taking on a serious and angry tone. Dave opened his mouth the argue, but quickly shut it, realizing he couldn't. In fact, he kind of agreed with Karkat. Eridan was douche a-hole all the way. He knew this because hang out with the guy once. Apparently, Karkat and Eridan used to be good friends according to Feferi. Then something happened and they drifted apart.

"Well, where are you going to work? And no, you can’t work with me: I'm part of the geek squad who teach old ladies how to use e-mail. I don't think I have the patience for that." Dave tried to imagine Karkat being part of the Geek Squad at Best Buy, but quickly pushed that image out of his head. That would SO not work out, and was never happening.

"What about that store next door to the Barnes and Nobel? That nerd store where Virska, Terezi, and Tavros work? Do you think I could work there?"  Karkat asked, trying not to laugh at how stupid the Soap Opera was getting.

"You interested in Dungeons & Dragons, Pokémon, and a bunch of other board/ card/nerd games? You willing to be caught in the middle of intense nerdy sessions done by all three of them?"

"On second thought, maybe not. Can we just discuss this later?" Karkat asked suddenly. Dave realized he was now disinterested in the conversation of job hunting.

"Yeah, we can." He sighed, returning his eyes to the screen of the TV. He wondered why he had a feeling that the next few months for him and Karkat would be hell.

♈️♉️♊️♋️♌️♍️♎️♏️♐️♑️♒️♓️


	2. Intermission: Day one of D&D session.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of a week long hell for Tavros, Vriska, and Terezi, as they play a D&D session that goes to absolute hell since Vriska is the Dungeon Master and likes to fuck shit up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, like, I decided that instead of giving Tavros, Terezi, and Virska just one chapter, that they would be the intermission in between chapters, since this will be a week long D&D session.

Tavros was behind the glass counter that held various objects inside it, reading a book about Pokémon and their stats and abilities. That’s when Vriska burst through the back door, carrying a bunch of paper, pencils, a laminated hexagonal map, figurines,  D&D handbook, player handbook, Monster Manual, Dungeon Master's Guide, miniatures, and dice.

 

"FUCKING, TAVROS, GET YOUR LAZY ASS UP. YOU TOO TEREZI!" She yelled, startling a 13 or 14-year-old boy in the board game section, causing him to drop the board game he was looking at. He stared at Vriska, a tired, yet terrified look in his eyes gunmetal blue eyes. 

 

"Vriska, you do know that I can't get my ass up?" Tavros complained as Terezi popped out from under cosplay outfits hanging up in the corner near the doors, her red sunglasses gleaming under the lights of the store.

 

"Vriska, we're not on break! Save D&D for later." She grumbled, stepping out from under a cape for someone cosplaying Darth Vader. A limp, leathery boot fell off her short black hair.

 

"Who cares?! We can play at the checkout desk!" Vriska smiled, almost going cross eyed. It was actually kind of funny.

 

Tavros sighed. "Do you remember the last time we played D&D?"  
  
"How could I forget?! Now that…THAT was fun!"

 

"We broke a table in the back, had to pay for said table, and pay the hospital bill because when you flipped said table, you broke both my arms!" Terezi complained. She walked over to the teenage boy, who required assistance.

 

"Okay, that wasn't as fun, but we killed a shit ton of monsters!" Vriska pointed out, dropping all the materials on the glass case. Tavros hoped the case didn't crack because then they would be paying for that too.

 

"Yeah, you're not being the Dungeon Master this time," Terezi yelled from across the store.

 

"Actually, I am. I think last time Tavros was the Dungeon Master." Vriska pointed out. She had finished helping the teenage boy and was leaning on the glass countertop. Tavros sighed. He enjoyed D&D, but he didn't enjoy being the DM.

 

Vriska continued. "Plus, I'm the one that suggested we play the game. Listen, if any of us need to help a customer, we can pause."

 

Terezi and Tavros went silence for a minute, contemplating the Pros and Cons. Finally, Tavros spoke up.  "Alright…um….I'm in!" Vriska felt a flash of hope.

 

"Fine. I guess it wouldn't hurt." Terezi sighed after a while, pushing her glasses up her nose.

 

It took them a while to get set up, Tavros sat next to the Cash Register, Vriska in the middle, and Terezi on the end of the counter. Each person had multiple sheets of paper (Including a Character Sheet for Terezi and Tavros) and a pencil. The hexagonal map was in the middle of the counter, with all the different dice on top of it, with the D&D handbook right next to the map. Vriska had control of the monster manual, and Dungeon Master's Guide, but had to go in back to find a copy of the Player Handbook for Terezi. After sitting down when she returned, she noted that both Tavros and Terezi had filled out the basic information of their character sheets.

 

After setting up the game further, they were soon playing away. They all played by the basic rules but decided a long time ago to make their own races and classes. They decided to make a Troll race some time ago, and make the language Alteranian for the Troll language. Tavros was using his Rufioh character, while Terezi was using her Redglare character. Vriska sighed, wishing that the two had more creativity to create new characters, but even Vriska only used one character: "Marquise Spinneret Mindfang."

 

After even MORE time, they got into their first argument over stats.

  
"No, Vriska, you're reading it wrong! My Intelligence Stat is 18, not 16!" Tavros pointed out. Vriska grabbed his character sheet, squinting her cerulean blue eyes she tried to read the tiny numbers that where Rufioh's stats.

 

"Tavros, your handwriting sucks! This is clearly a 16!" Vriska remonstrated, looking at Tavros with a bitchy, yet confused, look on her face. Tavros wanted to face palm. His handwriting wasn't that bad, at least it wasn't Gamzee's handwriting.

 

"No, it's an 18!" Tavros counterclaimed, folding his arms.

 

"Well, I'm the dungeon master, and I say it's an 16!"Vriska practically screamed. Terezi slammed her hands over her pointed ears.

 

"SHUT UP! IT'S AN 18, JUST GO WITH IT VRISKA!" Terezi yelled, slamming her hands on the glass case. There was a moment of silence, before Vriska scowled, and handing Tavros back his character sheet.

 

"Fine, it's an 18." She grumbled, sticking her papers neatly by putting her hands loosely against the sides and hitting the ends on the table.  They continued playing before they encountered another problem.

 

"You are in the Troll Capital of Hemoven, in the shopping section of the city. There is an armor merchant, a magic merchant, a weapon merchant, and an Adventure Gear merchant. Both Rufioh and Redglare are together. What will you buy?"  Vriska narrated, causing both Tavros and Terezi to look at their character sheets and a piece of paper where they kept track of their treasure and gold.

 

"I want some scale plate armor, and a new Glaive." Terezi said, smiling. She had 5 gems, 2 mundane objects, which added up to 2,075 gold. More than enough to buy what she wanted.

 

"Okay. Scale Plate armor costs 1,075 gold, while the New Glaive costs 2,000 gold." Vriska smiled slyly.

 

"VRISKA! THOSE PRICES ARE OUTRAGEOUS! I COULD BUY 200 KNIVES FOR THAT MUCH GOLD!" Terezi yelled, getting up suddenly and slamming her hands down on the glass case, creating a loud banging noise.

 

"Well, it is the troll capital. What do you expect?"  Vriska sighed.

 

"Terezi's right. Those prices are way too high." Tavros defended.

 

"Sorry. Final offer. Buy one or walk away with nothing." Vriska grinned.

 

"If this is how you're going to act, then I won’t play at all."

 

"Fine! I'll lower the Glaive cost to 500 gold."

 

"Then I'll buy the Scale plate armor and the Glaive. I have 5 gems, and 2 mundane objects, which adds up to 2,075 gold."

 

"The merchants only take gold."

 

There was a moment of silence, as Terezi's face twisted into a squished up face of poorly-contained troll rage. Her right eye started twitching, and her ears slowly tilted forward and downward. 

  
  
"VRISKA FUCK OFF!" Terezi screamed, so loud that Vriska flinched and Tavros leaned back a little in his wheelchair. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed Day one of "Week Long D&D session from Hell."


	3. Chapter 2: Sollux hates coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux hates coffee, and hates having to gt it.

"Hey, Sollux, can you go grab us with coffee for Starbux?" Roxy asks. Sollux grumbled, the troll not wanting to get the stupid fucking coffee.

 

"It'th the middle of the fuckin day, Roxy." The troll had a horrible lisp, but he was still understandable.

 

"I don't care. Even DAVE want's coffee, and Dave rarely drink coffee!"  Roxy pointed out. Sollux couldn't tell if she was serious or not, but then she promised to pay for the coffee.

 

"I want an Iced Coffee. John wanted a Sugar and Cream Mocha, and Dave wanted a plain Coffee Macchiato."

 

"Wow. Keeping off the caffeine today? Give me $40 dollarth, and I'll give you the change." Sollux smirked. Roxy gave him an annoyed look with her pink eyes.

 

"Shut up and go get the coffee. I'll take over for you while you're gone." Roxy grumbled, digging out two twenty dollar bills out of her pale pink wallet, handed them to Sollux, and he left through the front door of the Best Buy.

 

He walked across the street, to the Barns and Nobel across the street, the one that held the Starbux in the back. His best friend Feferi and her morail Eredian worked there, along with a girl named Jane, who was somehow either related to either Jake (who worked with Kanaya and Rose) or John (who worked with him, and helped Dave with teaching people how to use Text's or E-mail)

 

After almost getting hit by a Ford F-120 as he was crossing the street, he stumbled into the large bookstore. Kanaya and Rose where whisper-hissing/arguing about something behind the counter, though about what Sollux didn't know. He took the shortcut through the romance section, saw Jake re-shelving books in the sci-fi section, and sometimes reading the back of some books.

 

When he reached the Starbux, Feferi and Eridan where at the opposite ends of the counter, trying to keep extreme distance from each other. They where glaring at each other out of the corner of their eye. Feferi noticed Sollux first, and gave him a big smile.

 

"Hi, welcome to Starbux! What can I get you?"

 

"I'll take a medium Iced Coffee, a Medium Thugar and Cream Mocha, and a Medium Coffee Macchiato." Sollux ordered. Feferi nodded, smashing the buttons on the cash register angrily, glaring at Eridan, with a fake smile on her face. Eridan was staring forward, even angrier, occasionally glancing over at Sollux. After pounding Sollux's order into the cash register, she turned to Sollux again.

 

"That'll be $31, please!" She told him cheerfully. Sollux handed Feferi the forty dollars. Sollux found it weird when he saw FF in the Starbux uniform. He was so used to seeing her black tank top, and blue and green skirt with the long, ribbon-like back's. It was even weirder to see her without all the jewelry.

 

It took a while, but eventually Feferi came back with the drinks.

 

"Thank you! Please come again!" Feferi waved cheerfully, as Sollux walked away from the registers. He was about to leave when he heard two people yelling in the back. He didn't stop, knowing it was Feferi and Eridan. Crossing the street, and almost being run over by a Smartcar (Which Sollux found stupid. Even KARKAT, of all living organisms, was taller then the Smartcar, and Karkat was fuckin short as HELL), he returned to the Best Buy.

 

He slammed Roxy's Iced Coffee on the table, making her look up. She was doing some shit on her phone.

 

"That's the latht time I'm getting your fucking coffee."

 

"Well, John and Dave can't do it, and I sure as hell not."

 

"Really? Then get yourthelf a new Iced Coffee."

 

"What?"

 

Sollux hit the Iced Coffee, sending it sprawling all over into Roxy's lap. She froze, a face of pain mixed with poorly contained rage. She started swearing her ass off, in a loud, angry voice, attracting the attention of every customer in the Best Buy.

♈️♉️♊️♋️♌️♍️♎️♏️♐️♑️♒️♓️

 

John was trying to help a 12 year old set up his iPhone, when they both heard Roxy suddenly screaming swear words from the other end of the store. Sollux was standing in front of her.

 

"I'll help this guy. You go see what's wrong." John told Dave, not even looking up. Dave nodded, walking over to the screaming Roxy and the silent Sollux.

 

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Dave asked coolly, glad neither Sollux or Roxy could see the major confusion behind his shades.

  
"SOLLUX DUMPED MY ICED COFFE ON MY LAP JESUS FUCK!" Roxy yelled, doing a little jig in place.

 

"I'm thick of getting you guyth coffee! Get your own god damm coffee!" Sollux retaliated, the troll folding his arms. Dave always forgot that Sollux was Best Buy's Coffee Boy.

 

"How about I get some Coffee for once?"

 

"I WANT SOLLUX TO GET ME SOME NEW ICED COFFEE! THIS HURTS STILL!" Roxy yelled. Dave siged. Well, Sollux did owe Roxy a new Iced Coffee.

 

"Okay, I agree with Roxy on that one. Here, take 10 dollars, and go get a new iced coffee. Roxy, go to the bathroom and clean up." Dave sighed, taking out his wallet, and taking out 10 dollars. Sollux sighed even harder this time, took the money, and left the Best Buy.  He was crossing the street when he almost got ran over by a Subaru. Sollux was almost getting run over by a lot of cars today.

 

Feferi was gone, so Eridan was at the front register, looking angry, yet bored.

 

"Weren't you just here? I mean, welcome to Starbux, what can I get you?" He asked, looking disinterested. Sollux sighed, feeling tired. The young psionic took off his 3d-looking glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

 

"I would like a medium fucking Iced Coffee." He groaned.

 

"Let me guess: You got angry at someone for being forced to get there coffee, sent it sprawling into there persons, and they forced you to replace there coffee?"  
  
"How did you know?"

 

"Kanaya, Rose, and Jake could hear Roxy yelling. No surprise." Eridan smirked

 

Sollux sighed harder, wishing he had just said "NO" the next time Roxy told him to grab coffee. Eridan rang him up when Sollux noticed Feferi wasn't even in the back. Jane was, holding a tray of blueberry and strawberry muffins, and winked at Sollux. This reminded him of Terezi's nickname for him, Mr. Appleberry-Blast.

 

"Where's Feferi?"

 

"She went home early."

 

"Why? Did you try to kill her? You are her ex, you know." 

 

"Shut the hell up, Sol~" Eridan drew out the "L" and made it all whiny, which Sollux hated.

 

"SHUT THE HELL UP FISH FACE!"


	4. Intermission: Day 2 of D&D session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Two of D&D:  
> Today I learned that Vriska can be a bigger spiderbitch than she already is. I fucking hate her sometimes, but she can sometimes be fun to be around. SOMETIMES.  
> The author-  
> Jaydia Krosin, The Jade Blooded.

"Vriska, no." Tavros sighed, putting his head in his hands, with his elbows leaning on the glass counter. His horns almost whacked Vriska right in the face, due to how small the space of the counter. 

"Vriska, yes!" Vriska grinned, almost evilly. This time, Terezi sighed. Vriska was being stupid again. She had (somehow) forced the two into, what Vriska called, "The Arena of a Million Monsters", and has to fight 100 at a time.

"This is so stupid that I want to go deaf, as if being blind wasn't enough!" Terezi snapped, getting frustrated.

"It's either that, or have your soul RIPPED out of your body by the Black-Blooded King!" Vriska laughed. Terezi scowled, and Tavros suddenly began stuttering things out in Alternian, with so many pauses and repeated words and the fact that he was talking without any stops, that both Vriska and Terezi stopped listening after the first two (supposed) sentences. 

"FINE! We'll fight your stupid-ass monsters! Won't we, Tavros?!" Terezi snapped. The grin she was giving Tavros was forced, and just screamed "You better fucking say yes, or else I will rip your face off"

"Huh?! What?! Oh, um, right! We will fight the evil creatures!" Tavros snapped out of his rant, almost replying immediately like he wasn't actually paying attention, which he really wasn't.

"Okay! Rufioh and Redglare enter the Arena, and are almost immediately met with 50 Achaierai and 50 Arrowhawks, and all notice you immediately." Vriska informed, to which both Tavros and Terezi groaned again.

"Oh. My. Fucking. Gog." Terezi groaned, crossing her arms on the table, and promptly slammed her face into them. Tavros looked unsure on how to feel about all this, as Vriska had told him at the beginning of the game that he could only control animals and monsters with health under 100, and he can only control 10 monsters. He could control 5 Achaierai and 5 Arrowhawks. But, which one had more health, or could inflict more damage? I mean, going equal was the first option, and Terezi wouldn't make a move until Tavros did SOMETHING. 

He decided to control 8 Arrowhawks, and 2 Achaierai. He did so, making the 2 Achaierai in the middle of the group, causing a distraction. They fared surprisingly well, killing about 12 Achaierai, 1 Arrowhead, and damaging 8 Achaierai, and 5 Arrowhead's.

After a while of attacking (and forcing Vriska into letting them heal mid-battle, because the rules where more or less absolute bullshit), they eventually felt that they where reaching the end of the whole thing. Eventually, Vriska summoned 100 of the equivalent of boss monsters, the name neither remembered by either Terezi or Tavros because they got so angry at this point that Tavros screamed "SON OF A WHORE" just as group angsty high schoolers came in. They all stared at the trolls at the checkout, and Tavros smiled guilty and muttered "sorry" through his clenched teeth. One of the teens was a Troll, which felt awkward to the three at the desk, because the only other trolls they knew where Karkat, Feferi, Eridan, Gamzee, Sollux, Equius, Nepeta, Kanaya, and Aradia before she died, so It was quite odd, almost new, to the three of them. 

That troll avoided them, staying towards the comic books in the bargain bin near the front. Most likely because that this was also, quite awkward for him/her. Vriska, Terezi, and Tavros resumed their game, which was actually just them arguing for an hour, only stopping when the angsty teens had to be rung up (5 comic books from the bargain bin, some sort of anime-figuring with long, blue hair tied into pigtails, and holding a piece of celery, and some sort of shitty sci-fi film called Star Trek) by Tavros.

They watched the teens disappear down the sidewalk, which was mostly empty. The summer sun was brutal, and the store didn't have a parking lot in front of it, meaning that you had to park in the street, and nobody wanted to walk in 89 degree weather into a store with shitty air conditioning. They then returned to their regularly scheduled program that was "Vriska-is-being-a-dickhead-in-D&D-and-it's-pissing-off-Tavros-and-Terezi"

"VRISKA, JUST STOP. YOU'RE MAKING MY GOGDAMMED THINK PAN ACHE TO HIGH HELL!" Tavros yelled, stuttering lightly at the end. Terezi's anger was probably rubbing off on him when it came to D&D and Vriska. Vriska winked her 7-pupiled eye at him, most likely enjoying seeing them pissed off. Vriska could be a bitch in that way. Tavros propped his elbow on the counter, and rested his head on his hand. Sure, his head was tilting so his horn was ALSO slightly propped up on the table. He gave of another loud, angry groan, and wanted to hit Vriska. In the face. Multiple Times. With his horns. 

"Okay, back to the Arena! So, Tavros, you can’t control any of the monsters, and Terezi, your Glaive blade's been dulled down, so you love 2 attack points, and you're forced to use your stabby staff. This gives back those two points, but since you're using two weapons, you lose 3 defense points."

"Fucking…Rufioh takes out his magic lance, and charges forward." Tavros muttered, rolling the dice. Vriska stared at the dice for a moment, before grinning a mischievious grin.

"You kill 13 before having to fall back. Impressive." She turned to Terezi, sliding the dice over to her, who in turn snatched then away like a gready grub.

"Slice and dice the monsters, bitch." Terezi gave her signature grin, and rolled the dice. Vriska immediately responded to the roll.

"Well, major damage was inflicted on you, but you killed 11. If your wondering how much health you have left: 3 HP." Terezi immediately healed up after hearing that, and the game continued. 

After a while of just hitting the monsters, constant healing times, and once Rufioh had to revive Redglare once, they finally defeated the monsters. Tavros was trying not to smile, which made him have the silliest look on his face, and there was a quiet "Sqeeee" noise coming from him. He sounded like a fucking newborn grub, of all things. Terezi looked like she needed some coffee. A nice, warm cup of plain latte, no flavoring. 

"Okay, now you must travel to the lair of the Black-Blooded King, AND YOU CANNOT STOP AT ANY CITIES." Vriska cackled. Terezi then promptly exploded, throwing anything in arms reach at Vriska, including her pair of red, anime-looking sunglasses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously still cannot write for D&D, but I'm learning. Meaning I've looked up all the PDF's of all the D&D handbooks and am currently skimming through those for information, NONE of which makes much sense. Also, sorry for the rushed chapter. I really find it hard to write the intermissions, because of my lack of info for D&D (and I joined a FUCKING DISCORD group to play it) and as punishment, I will make the next chapter as detailed as possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MOTHER GLUBBING CONTINUITY ERRORS FOR YA'LL  
> IGNORE THEM.

10:51 AM

"ERIDAN AMPURA!" 

Jane jumped, and tried NOT to drop the burning hot loaf of Banana Nut Bread she had just pulled out of the oven. Turning, she saw a very angry Feferi, which was unsettling. Feferi was a perky, cheerful, sea-dweller troll who had a burning love passion for Cuttlefish and other sea creatures. Her fuchsia eyes had a burning fire in them, which was obvious directed at Eridan, the grump who often read Harry Potter during break's and was very annoying. 

Feferi's jewelry jungled, and Jane wasn't sure if one was allowed to where one golden, very thick chocker, two colored necklaces (one green and one sky blue), two golden wrist-cuffs (one on each wrists) 4 bracelets (two green and two sky blue, one of each on each wrist), and two golden ankle cuffs with their uniform. At least she pulled all that hair into a ponytail, as all that messy, foffy black hair would get in the way when Feferi had to help Jane on busier days. But enough on Feferi.

Eridan, the Indigo Purple Blooded, sea dweller troll, poked his head through the door that lead to the back kitchen area. Personally, Jane though Eridan was kind of cool. He got the job done, didn't ask many questions (for the most part), and didn't make senseless chatter with the customer. Sure, he came off as grumpy and uncaring, but he was a good guy if you got to know him. He often grabbed Harry Potter books of the shelves of Barnes and Nobel, and read them during break hours, thus causing Jane to crack a joke about him being the Troll version of Harry Potter, but instead of a scar shaped as a Lightning Bolt, he had horns shaped as a Lightning Bolt. He was also wore Hipster Glasses, and had part of his hair dyed purple. 

"Wwhat's up, Fef?"

"Oh you know, 'Wwhat's Up' Fish Face!" Feferi grumbled, storming over to him and pressing a grey finger into his chest. While Jane knew next to nothing about Troll Relationships, she had a feeling that the two where in a Blackrom, and she needed to intervene while she could, before things got…messy.

"I really don't know wwhat's up! Wwhy are you so angry at me?" He asked, putting his hands up as if he was trying to look innocent. Jane put the loaf of Banana Nut Bread down on the counter, right next to the machine that made Latte's. It didn't matter if that still-wet coffee stain got into the bread, it might make that awful stuff taste better. 

"Look, I don’t need you two arguing right about now," Jane wanted to get in-between them. Wait, wouldn't that cause some sort relationship? What did Rose tell her? What was it called. Wasn't that the Ashen Quadrant? Spice tice? Jane couldn't remember.

Feferi ignored her. "I told you this morning, before we opened, TO CHANGE THE COFFEE FILTERS! You where all like "Of course, Feferi! I'll do it!" Feferi complained, impersonating Eridan. He was taken aback, before he got angry. 

"You didn't tell me shit!" He responded, gruffly.

"Yes, I did! You where probably still tired after crying your eyes out for not being able to get anyone but ME in one of your mother GLUBBING quadrants, and I'm in your glubbing BLACK one!" Feferi yelled, baring her sharp teeth. Jane glanced through the rectangular hole in the wall that allowed her to pass orders to the front, and noticed that her cousin Jake was peaking through the gap in between the books of one of the history shelves. She sighed. This was going to attract attention. The bickering continued, and Jane was starting to get annoyed. Every annoyed. She gritted her teeth.

"SHUT UP!!!!" She screamed, and the two shut up. It was rare for Jane to get super angry and yell. There was a moment of silence, with two pairs eyes staring at her, before Jane took a deep breath. She plastered on a small, warm-but-fake smile, starting her sentence over again. 

"I mean, how about you too discuss this like civil beings over some pie?" Jane suggested. Pie solved everything. I mean, who DOESN'T like pie? WHO. DOESN'T. LIKE. PIE?!

"I think that's a vvery good idea." Eridan sighed, and Feferi became her perky self again. She nodded in agreement. Jane found an empty space on the cluttered counter (it was literally 10 minuets 'till closing time. They could make one more mess before having the clean it all up.

Jane started gathering the ingredients. 

"So, what kind of pie?"

"APPLE! CHERRY! HALF APPLE HALF CHERRY!" Eridan yelled, excitedly and demandingly. He loved apples, and cherries. Maybe because he was still missed his Moraligence with Karkat. 

"FISH!!!! Glub" Feferi replied, adding a little glub at the end. 

Silence. Jane slowly turned around to face Feferi. Fish pie. A troll delicacy?

"What? I made Fis)-( pie a--------ll t)-(e time back home!" Feferi exclaimed. 

Jane said nothing. Fish pie?! Did they even have fish in a coffee shop? Jane decided the best place to look was the freezer.

Surprisingly, there was something there. A single small fish, in a completely frozen ice block. It almost gave Jane's hand frostbite. 

She quickly threw it on the counter, and it didn't break, instead sliding a little across the gross countertop. 

"Um….w)-(at is t)-(at?" Feferi asks, confused and disgusted. 

"A fucking fish. That’s what you wanted."


End file.
